time to dust off the cobwebs and start contributing to everyday blogging again. life is currently at the transition stage; i haven't gotten to grips that i started work so early (i should have BUMMED for another 2-3 months though my financial advisor will not agree with my decision). I have yet to get comfortable with waking up at 7.20am so i set my alarm at 7.22am but usually crawl out of bed at 7.30am (big fucking deal it made). i am not used to the evening rain traffic jams (though i am used to switching lanes without indicating) but enough about me ranting and back to today's subject -> demons. the title is taken from a Pantera song about personal demons, mos of us have one or two or possibly a closet full.
what brought this up was a reflection of my growing up phase during one of those non moving traffic crawls from sunway toll to the SS3 turn off. i have done a shitload of things that would make my maker weep buckets. from narcotics to stealing to being a pesky nuisance on the road. i don't proclaim to be an angel because i'm not and i doubt any of us are (except mother teresa), i m sure all of us have done things we weren't proud of, conveniently swept under rug somehow, someway. it's an experience for me, somehow many are going yeah all fucking junkies say that but the only reason why i was so dependant on narcotics was because i couldn't stop; i saw no reason to stop.
So why did i stop? because i wanted to. not because doctors kept telling me that smoking weed will fuck up my brain. i just decided one day to stop. same thing i did for smoking. cold turkey. was in denial and withdrawal for 2 weeks. the reason why i never started again was, that 2 weeks was the most agonising pain i've felt (actually scratch that to the 2nd most agonising pain, the honours of 1st belongs to shingles) i never want to go through that again, ever. the shakes, the dryness of the throat and the mental trickery & fatigue [it's only 1 stick - resistance is futile - 1 stick only mah - 1 stick and i'll quit tomorrow]. i have a pretty high threshold of willpower but the mental trickery of second guessing yourself [asking yourself questions] is something i can't beat till today.
So i've driven one demon away, soon maybe others [lies & deception, anger, the list goes on] all for journey to be a better person, the question is will i enjoy being a better person?
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