office politics, which company doesn't have any? from the snickering techies that just recorded your boss fuck his secretary in the server room, under the orders of the BIGGER boss an upper hand advantage later or the beehive haired lady asking a team of hardworking dickheads "to be on her team" so that things get done (for her purpose) but actually we all know it's just to cover up for losing RM180K worth of a car. whatever form, colour or shape, we the worker ants are just the pawns; the fuckin objects in the game.
a cousin once said, "we are in a video game and there are 2 players but 1 joystick. so as they struggle with the controls we just go left, right or whichever fuckin direction pressed. ever been in a position where one asked to do A but the other wants you to do B; both are your supervisors, your vice presidents, empowered to run the organisation, fuckers who makes decisions but when the presidents asks; both clam up like fuckin black pearl oysters and casually the fingers pointed your way.
fret not; the way out is soon, says too many people then BOOM your hopes of leaving are dashed when the world is hit with a economic crisis and you're stuck at a dead end job with bills to pay. so how do you get out of this rut or at least stay away from politics in the office.
NOTE: USE these methods only if you are assured you do not want to work within the vicinity or for the same company ever again. These methods works only if you are in a service industry e.g. education
1. refuse to attend any meetings NOT involving your daily tasks or job scope e.g. if you are hired to lecture, you attend academic meetings NOT meetings to honour a VIP's visit to the University
2. constantly network and job seek around the same industry unless you're so fuckin unlucky to be in a economic crisis, then stick it out till the end of the downturn or until a better or similar offer comes in
3. when approached by higher ups to confront your refusal to cooperate with them; the common answer is "I'm not trying to evade or not support you, but i've got *insert any job here* to do. sorry yeah!" then walk away, don't linger around!
4. find all ways to go out on a field trip or external visits outside your workplace; this does wonders as for once you will be happy to wake up at 7am and "work". Remember don't return to the office unless necessary and always tell your boss where you are.
5. in the rare occurrence that you meet any higher ups during your "field trip" use the no.3 excuse and return to work as you know they aren't in the office.
6. if you are lucky enough to secure an interview outside, the logical thing to do is to apply for a day leave BUT you won't be so naive to do that as a day taken is a day more at your wretched company. so repeat no.4 & 5.
7. if everything works out .... on your last day at work, take picture of colleagues and friends; take one of yourself horns up and mark it your last day. an overwhelming feeling will occur and most likely you'd break down in tears so bring lotsa kleenex.
8. finally personally thank your office poilticians; tell them you've finally come to your senses, am 100% willing to support them and there will be no more important jobs to do than doing their bidding; of course when you stand to head for the door, you'd tell them this is your last day. then hum the lyrics to Freebird by Lynyrd Skynyrd
Things just couldn't be the same.
'Cause I'm as free as a bird now,
And this bird you can not change.
9. As you leave the building, your carpark for the last time .... smile and take a camwhore pic of yourself with finger up. here you can go two ways.
10a. if you really decide you ain't coming back, email the camwhore pic to your office politicians and facebook it, better still create a group on FB and invite only ex disgruntled employees.
10b. keep the pic to remind yourself whenever you feel down & out in your current place, it ain't half as fucked up as the old one. that's why you left!
11. if all else fails, become you own boss and politician.
* title suggests that i'm so fucking in the middle of some shit now
** image retrieved from http://www.beatyourowndrum.com/images/dwight.jpg
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